“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.” – Yogi Berra

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

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“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“All men are equal before fish.” – Herbert Hoover

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx

“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”– George Carlin

“If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?” – George Carlin

“Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?” – Cynthia Heimel

“He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.” – Charles de Gaulle

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“My favourite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea

“If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”  – Richard D. Wolff

“When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.” – Richard Lewis

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” – Rita Mae Brown

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” – Rita Rudner